At some point over the last 6 months a thought started coming to me in my runs and meditation.
I’m holding back. I can feel it. What am I afraid of?
I’m usually a go for it kind of person. It’s my entrepreneurial nature. However at some point leading into Boston and after I stopped being that person. I stared doubting myself. Started allowing doubt to fill me up. Not only in my running but in my life. I was staying in the safe zone. In the safe zone, you don’t fail. In the safe zone, you can’t get hurt. But…the downside of the safe zone, you stay right where you are.
So what changed from then to now? I like to call it peeling back a layer to get closer to my true self. However, it wasn’t like one day I woke up and yelled, “THAT’S IT!” It took hard work. It took showing up. Every. Single. Day. Some days it took tears, frustration, 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. It took sitting with thoughts of doubt and what am I doing and not judging myself for those thoughts. It took sitting in meditation when I didn’t feel like it. It took practice, not perfection. It took being present. I had to stop bringing what happened yesterday into today.
With the peeling back the layer, I started asking myself, “What if I didn’t hold back and I just went for it?” What would be the worst that would happen? Well, I could fail. Fall flat on my face. However, there is also the other side. I could actually do it. I can do it. I know I can. Making this change in what I said to myself as made a huge difference. When I feel myself having thoughts that don’t serve me I tell myself I can, I will. I say it over and over again. Try it.
So tomorrow morning at 9:30am I will be on the start line of my 3rd 5K in 2 weeks. No holding back and going for it. A sub 23:40 5K. See you in 24 hours and I’ll let you know how it went.